books44 Chapter 378 [Empire] I Must Go
Chapter 378 [Empire] I Must Go
At that moment, all my thoughts seemed to fade away in the darkness, becoming blurry, like smoke drifting on the wind. I had no energy to think anymore, my eyelids growing heavy, and my consciousness wavered in the darkness. The alcohol had made my head groggy, and it felt like the world was slowing down around me, leaving only his faint sobs echoing in my ears.
His deep sobs were rhythmless, yet carried a profound pain. I instinctively reached out to comfort him, but I found I no longer had the strength to do anything. I felt as if I were being sucked deep into a dark ocean, as if the entire world was fading away.
He held me tightly, as if grasping at the last straw he could rely on. That dependence wasn't out of love or possession, but rather a desperate desire, a deep need to confirm his own existence.
I don't know how long I slept. Maybe minutes, maybe hours. All I know is that until I completely lost consciousness, I could feel his chaotic and helpless emotions, constantly surging over me like a tide.
Then everything became quiet, as if entering an endless darkness. I was not dreaming, just immersed in endless silence.
My mind was a mess. The moment I woke up, all my memories came flooding back like a tide. I sat up abruptly, my heart pounding, as if I had been suddenly awakened by a splash of cold water. The room was still dim, and the air was filled with the smell of alcohol and a complex mix of emotions.
I looked up at the man, still sitting on the sofa, his face as distraught as ever. The scene before bed felt like a dream, blurry and unreal. My head felt like it had been struck by a sledgehammer, the pain tingling with a wave of emotional turmoil.
What on earth was I doing? I was trapped in a silent vortex, not knowing whether I was comforting him or inadvertently replacing the untouchable image in his heart.
Whenever the pain and longing in his eyes appeared in front of me, I would respond unconsciously. This response might just be a substitute for his feelings for Shan Qi when he needed comfort the most.
Have I become the void in his heart again?
My chest was enveloped by an indescribable sense of oppression, my heart felt like it was being pulled by an invisible string, tightening and tightening, becoming increasingly suffocating, until I felt dizzy. Everything that happened last night was just a chaotic projection of his inner chaos—his inability to face the loneliness and loss, and his unfulfilled longing for Shan Qi, all transferred onto me.
I lowered my head and looked at my hands, as if they didn't belong to me. This indescribable feeling was like a wall, impenetrable.
Am I really just a substitute? When he's empty, he needs me to fill his space, but when these emotional fragments dissipate, he will throw me away again, just like he has thrown away everything else? I once again become that incomplete existence, the person who does not belong in his life.
I slowly stood up, silently warning myself: Don't let this kind of feeling fool you again. Don't let yourself become a tool to make up for what he can't have. No matter what, this isn't my fault.
But even so, the aching feeling in my heart never went away.
He remained oblivious to my change of heart, his head bowed in silence, seemingly lost in his own world. I knew what he needed most right now was comfort, and I was the only one who could offer him a little. But I also knew that such comfort would never reach the deepest depths of his heart. That emptiness would never be filled.
I walked towards the door, a sense of determination building within me, as if I were willing to throw this unsolvable dilemma into the wind. However, in that instant, I saw him raise his head, a faint flicker of hope in his eyes. His gaze was a tangled tapestry of confusion, pain, and... reluctance.
"Where are you going?" His voice sounded low, with a hint of weak anxiety.
I stopped and turned to look at him, feeling somewhat powerless: "I need to go out for a walk."
I didn't tell him that I just wanted to get away from the game.
"Don't leave, I was wrong..." He choked. But he still seemed a little confused. He picked up something he didn't know what it was and stuffed it into my hand: "Hit me, hit me... As long as you don't leave..."
His words were like a sharp knife slicing through my heart, bringing with them an almost unbearable pain. The man before me was clearly quite drunk. However, all the emotions and helplessness he felt were concentrated in his trembling hands and the deep helplessness he couldn't express.
He thrust the unidentified object into my hand. I froze, my fingers slightly stiff, unsure how to react. His tone was one of utter despair, each word weighing heavily on my heart.
"Hit me, don't leave..." He repeated, his eyes blurry and filled with uncontrollable pain. He looked as if if I gave him a little response, he would be able to find a ray of light in this endless darkness.
I suddenly felt sick. My hands clenched around the object, but I didn't have the strength to fight back.
Seeing I didn't move, his face once again tinged with disappointment and despair. Alcohol had made him even more vulnerable and emotional. It was a burden he couldn't let go of, a burden that had long weighed on him, suffocating him. The emotions and loss he had never dared to confront finally collapsed under the influence of alcohol.
"How can you leave if you don't hit me..." He whispered, tears began to fall unconsciously.
I wanted to say something, but found that my throat seemed to be blocked. Every word was stuck in my throat, as if no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't really say any words of comfort.
My heart was tangled and wavering. Every time he lowered his head and remained silent, like a child who had lost his support, I wanted to reach out and hold him back, but my rationality made me more afraid that this dependence would continue to spread until we could neither of us escape.
"I'm leaving, not because you're not important." I suddenly whispered, my voice trembling, "but because I don't want to be the person you can't let go of anymore."
He couldn't speak, just stared at me blankly, his eyes empty and filled with incomprehensible confusion.
I sighed. I approached him and gently pushed him back onto the sofa. He still had his head down, his eyes hollow, as if he had completely lost all his strength. I gently held his shoulders and said softly, "You don't need me to take on anything for you, nor do you need me to fill the void in your heart. You deserve someone better, someone who can truly enter your heart."
He didn't respond, still looking distraught. I stood up and gave him one last glance, feeling a sense of emptiness inside.
As I turned to leave, I heard his weak voice: "If you don't leave, stay with me..."
I didn't look back. I knew he no longer needed false comfort from me. I had to go.